A biographic fiction & essay on friendships ending.
I stalked you quietly from my silent window this morning. It’s been ages since we last spoke. You seemed happy, thrilled, a little calm. A light hit your face and illuminated it against the darkness in the room.
You say how happy you are being alone, surrounded by a gaggle of happy, giggling girls and heaps of work that keeps you busy and fulfilled. You tell other people to surround themselves with good friends–lady friends–that they are a great source of happiness and strength. I used to be one of those good friends who brought you happiness and contentment.
I used to love you. You used to love me. We used to share insider jokes and chortles under our breath. We used to walk the neighborhood to our nearest sweets store, excited for the next sugar-induced giggle spree.
Those were good times.
Then you ended them. And badly. I still have no idea why.
It was a mistake to look through my window at you again. You’re content. But you’re happy without me. So I’m happy for you, and yet regretful. It’s a bittersweet, wistful sort of happiness. Sort of wishing I were a part of it, to share it with you.
I used to love you. Now I’m just a tiny footnote in the book of your life, buried in the section of people you used to know.
I should learn how to file the era of our friendship in my footnotes as well.
Friendships end, for whatever reason. Some can grow with you and some grow out of you. But all serve a purpose: teach a lesson, help you mature, broaden your horizons, or serve a more selfish purpose, if only to be there to make you feel good.
It was a mistake to look back at her again, the friend I loved so much. I should have been happy with that she is living a dream and wish her well. Instead, part of me hoped she missed me, too. Don’t do that. Don’t brood. It doesn’t suit you. And don’t look back. Looking back only makes you stumble on your way forward.
Anyone who makes you feel less than, for any reason… forget them. Thank them for whatever they gave you and move forward.
You deserve to live the best version of life you can. Regret only serves to diminish what you have. Find your lessons, count the blessings you received from knowing them and move forward. Life is too short to spend time and energy on people who don’t treat you with the love, dignity and respect you deserve.