Let’s face it. Grocery shopping can most certainly suck. If you’re a young, single something, or young married something, going to a trendy, organic, low-priced grocery store like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods on a SUNDAY EVENING is like trying to escape Ninth Circle of Hades. Dodging between cars that back out at will without a thought to traffic–nothing compared to dodging unruly, screaming children and obese house parents crowding the ice cream section in Frozen Foods. What the hell is wrong with Trader Joe’s stock staff that the veggie meats and health conscious items are right next to the cookies, ice creams and cheese cakes? I can NEVER get a cart through there without having to turn around, make like a football player around other shoppers, and go the long way about around different aisles. It’s sick. SICK.

Now, imagine having to navigate the morass of Trader Joe’s only to undergo the ordeal AGAIN across the street at Whole Foods, where not only are the people still crowding the aisles, but are snobs about it. Nothing to turn your nose up when you’re paying 70% more for leeks you could’ve gotten at the farmer’s market on the weekend for $1 a stalk. Yeah, avert my gaze, you snotty hipster, I’m staring at you, I think while I’m pulling $8 vegetarian Tofurkey Roast from the freezer and pile it on top of my low sodium non-chicken soup stock and organic dog treats.

ZING! I’m sure they felt the sting of my telepathic insult. OOOOH. Got served, yo.

It’s mentally draining, being a yuppie. It is.

But I’d rather be a yuppie, braving the throngs of unruly chubby children with no regard to volume control nor restraint when it comes to sugar intake, than be the parents of those repellent children. Honestly, I want to scream to parents when their kids are fake crying just to get their way, *at the top of their lungs*…. at Trader Joe’s: “Your kids supremely suck!” Why do their kids suck? I don’t know. This is a long shot, but maybe because their parents suck at being parents. I don’t know… maybe they’re tired. Whatever.

Don’t let your kids shoot up sugar like heroin and bring them to Trader Joe’s on a Sunday night, where you give them more candy and then stare at cheesecake in the frozen foods aisle. If you don’t do that, then maybe your kids won’t suck so bad. Seriously!

If you don’t think you can actually discipline your awful spawn, here’s a thought: Don’t have kids. It’s green, better for the planet, too. Best of all, it’s better for me.

Do what’s right for Mae. Don’t procreate.

And stop staring at my thigh highs and mini skirt combo. I can rock it in the grocery store if I feel like it. And bright fuchsia lipstick. I’m not the one staring listlessly at cheesecake.

God, it’s really, really hard being a yuppie.

On a more serious note, the reason I dress up for the grocery store is because I actually went right after work on a Monday (this was shot three weeks ago–I’ve been seriously haggard, sick, swollen, puffy, frumpy or F) all of the above for the last bit). However, I do occasionally dress up when I run errands, because I often look in the mirror before going out and, as soon as I see the reflection, a part of me dies.

Like, seriously, I woke up looking like that? How in the hell am I still married!

Maybe we’ve gotten to the part in our marriage where appearance really doesn’t matter, you know, the comfortable, stable part where you stop having sex, get chunky, let yourself go, and know you’re in this Fo LYF? Like, hey…. we got this spare tire and you’ve got your own keg there, but man I love the shit out of you, let’s go get Ben and Jerry’s and watch a Glee marathon. *Shudder* Okay, so we do do the TV marathon thing–without the junk food–but I think we both get grouchy when we see spare tires…

(I hope!)

No, but seriously, when you have a bad day, it’s gross outside, and according to your mirror it’s gross inside too, you gotta do something. Paint on some bright war paint (ie. makeup), line them eyes and curl them lashes and put on sexy, slimming clothes and awesome shoes. Superficiality be damned, it bloody works. I guarantee it.

And even if you don’t feel better about yourself, you will LOOK better. Which, in turn, makes people look back at you and wonder why the hell they didn’t do the same thing as you that day!

I win.

{Outfit Architecture} Cardigan, J. Crew. Striped T, Club Monaco. Woven full flouncy skirt, American Apparel. Belt, tights, thigh high socks, Target. Bow midi boot, Bakers Shoes. Gold style bow necklace, Modcloth. Lipstick, Revlon Fuchsia Fusion.

Open internationally. Entry closes Friday, March 11. GO GET IT. Tell your friends!

Follow. | Grab my RSS Feed {ish.} | Facebook {ish.} | Lookbook.nu {ish.} | Bloglovin’ {ish.} | Xx.